Just Another Day

Dear diary,

I’m ever so sorry, I am still forced to writing this on my phone. So the format will still be messed up like yesterday’s entry. But the important thing is I made time to write. Lately it seems so easy to forget about you, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart for that. I’m starting to feel like the old me again. Today I ate about 600 calories, and worked off like 400 of them so far. I’m getting back on track to being skinny. Probably because I’ve completely redone my phone. I only allow myself to look at thinspo pictures, a reminder that I refuse to be fat.

I guess my motabolism is slowing down a lot because the last time I ate was about 3 hours ago,and I can still feel it in my stomach, I’m so full right now. Amd I hate this feeling. It makes me feel so fucking fat.

I don’t really have much to say today. It’s just been one of those days where nothing really happens and you dont really feel anything special. No anger, no happiness. I’m just here.

I guess I’ll write to you tomorrow. Once again, I promise :)

Until next time, Coco Marie <3 (stupid phone won’t let me put in the emoji heart, just imagine me sending all my love to you.)

I forgot to tell you! I WROTE a song. It’s about my experience being stuck here. It’s called Maybe Tomorrow. I wrote it after watching that one girl who wrote His Daughter. God, its so inspirational.Anyways, maybe I’ll record it on my phone and post it for you to see. (keep in mind it has extremely poor audio). Also, I may not be the best singer, but listen to the lyrics instead of my voce and you’ll be fine.

Crazy Little Thing Called Me

Dear diary,

Things keep getting worse for me. Right now it’s the lowest ive been in a while. I’m sorry for the bad punctuation, I had to resort to writing this on my phone seeing as they took my laptop thinking it was the trigger to my downfall. Shows how much they pay attention to me though, right? It’s like they’re constantly looking to blame something, when in reality it’s just myself thats the problem.

I decided to start eating again today, but it turned into a bad binge. I consumed so much shit i feel like im going to burst. And they wont let me into the bathroom after i eat, so i have to suffer in silence until it digests (shudder).  


Robbie is still in my mind continuously. Today it got so bad i actually stabbed myself with scissors. Dont ask me why. I didnt even realize what i was doing until i took them out of my hand. Im not crazy, it didnt go deep enough to bleed excessively, just enough to take my mind off of the pain that i cause myself. My own stupid demons are killing me from the inside out, and there’s nothing i can do to stop them. You know, i actually dont think i would mind suicide. It seems really peaceful. Just a second for it all to end, and I’d never have to deal with everything again.

Well, I think I’m going to sleep now. My stupid hand aches. I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry for not writing so often. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? I promise. Love you so much.

Until next time, Coco Marie (insert heart here, sorry my phone wont let me put it in)

The Tragedy of You

Starving for days. Enjoying the hunger and all of the pain it brings, knowing you deserve it. You deserve to suffer.

But the thought of food creeps back into your mind time and time again. You fight this internal battle with yourself, debating whether or not to eat. Eventually you give in.

Consuming anything and everything in sight. You don’t  even realize what’s happening until it’s too late. Thats when you regret it all.

All of the hard work gone in just a matter of seconds. Based on a stupid decision in a moment of weakness. The voice in your head makes sure you’ll fix it.

Crying on the bathroom floor, sobbing into your hands, you take your chance. Moving towards the toilet, you stick your fingers to the back of your throat. And you watch it all come up. Almost as if it’s undoing the wrong you caused.

But you know it’s not that simple. You drill yourself into thinking that you will work this off. That tomorrow will be better. Each new day is a new chance to start over. But a small part of you still knows that much more needs to be done in order to fix this. To fix you.

Just because you made a mistake today doesnt mean you will tomorrow, right? Wrong. Because everyday is the same thing. You always give in because you are weak. You are useless. You are nothing. That little voice continues to tell you until you believe it.

Soon you realize what’s happening to you, but it’s too late to turn back. Anyway, that will only prove that you’re weak. You’re slowly killing yourself, and you think nobody notices. But they do. And when they try to help you you only push them farther.

They day comes where you can’t take it anymore. The voices never stop. You try to find an escape from yourself. From your torturous thoughts. And the only way out is death. You say farewell to the voice that has caused you so much pain, and as you black out, you are greeted by the cold hands of death.



Just because we act confident, doesn’t mean we are comfortable in our own skin. We are all trapped inside ourselves…

Everybody always falls for my loud, obnoxious, and flamboyant behaviour.Nobody seems to realise that it’s so all eyes on me, so I feel for one moment that people care and that I’m not worthless… And I have to shout louder than the voices in my head.







I started living my life by this quote.

You: “Jimmy, I think I broke my foot. Can you help me?”Friend: “Sure, let’s take you to your mom.”You: “Mom, I think my foot is broken. Can you help me?”Mom: “Sure. Let’s take you to the hospital.”You: “Hi, I think I broke my foot. Can you help me?”Receptionist: “Sure. Let me get a doctor.”You: “No thanks. If i ask any more people for help it just means I want attention.”

Yes, because getting opinions from different people (who will each have their own perspective and advice to give on something) is just seeking attention.